[Day 2] Set better bounDaries

So often you say yes to things when you desperately want to say no. You say yes so that you feel better about yourself. You constantly put yourself last in order to be a people- pleaser. You don’t want to hurt others’ feelings or to disappoint them.

You say yes even when you don’t have the time and have more urgent tasks of your own that need to be done.

You say yes and are nice on the outside, yet you’re not being true to your own needs, which results in being upset, angry, burnt out and resentful on the inside. Society has taught us to be polite and helpful and to go out of our way for others at the expense of our own well being.

Healthy boundaries are a crucial component of our self-care. A boundary is a space or limit that one has set between themselves and another person.

The purpose of setting clear boundaries is to protect a person’s personal or mental space.

This helps to encourage well- being, improve self-esteem, decrease burn out, and helps people to find more fulfillment in their relationships at work, home and with friends. Learning to set clear boundaries will allow you to live life on your terms.

You’ll have more time to focus on your own priorities, be less resentful and be more fulfilled!

1. Make a list including the areas of your life that are most important to you

• Some may include: Home, Work, Family, Relationships, Money, Health, Spiritual Life.
• Set clear goals for each area: ie. Promotion, a vacation you’ve been wanting to go on, a financial goal, exercise schedule, meditation practice.

2. Make a list of Non-negotiables

• Identify your desired boundaries (less time at work, more time with family, pursuing life passions, etc).
• Hold yourself accountable.

3. Say NO to more

• Stop accepting tasks out of guilt.
• Delegate tasks you don’t enjoy to others. You don’t need to do everything.
• Be ok when others set their own boundaries and say no to you.

4. Clearly communicate what you need

• Be calm and consistent.
• Stick to the facts. Don’t blame or make it personal.

5. Decide if a boundary is negotiable

• Some boundaries will be more important than others.
• If less important, it’s ok to compromise while people are adjusting.
• True compromise doesn’t mean putting other’s needs at the expense of your own if you consider it a deal-breaker.
• If a boundary is not negotiable, decide ahead of time what your response will be.

6. Decide how you feel and what you’re willing to accept.

• Accept that some people won’t respect your boundaries.
• You can’t change someone else’s behavior.
• Choose to accept it or disengage.

By setting boundaries, we tell others who we are and what we need. Learning how to say no is the beginning of a powerful journey to a life of fulfillment on your terms.